I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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