Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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