just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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