thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
