Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
