16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
