When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
