Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
