He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I smell like Dick and happiness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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