yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
why do cheetos always look like penises
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
