I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
