I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
