I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
