no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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