your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
