Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
