Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
