Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
