I'm really into asian looking animals
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
