you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
