My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
