Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
