wakey wakey hands off snakey
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God I need to hump something, right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
