nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
