My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
