I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
