I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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