Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
