Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
