Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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