??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
