Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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