Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
