You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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