So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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