we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
