I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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