I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
