Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
