the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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