god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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