Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
