Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
