No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
