he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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