I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
