I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
