Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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