it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
