I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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