I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
