just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
