I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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