I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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