I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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